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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24295813">40.5- Non-threatening employee</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noctugna/pseuds/Noctugna'>Noctugna</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Welcome to Night Vale</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Cecil Palmer May or May Not Be Human, Fake Episode, M/M, a sort of part two for episode 40?</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 01:41:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>978</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24295813</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noctugna/pseuds/Noctugna</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The city council reminds everyone that demons are, in fact, not real, Carlos gets interviewed by StrexCorp and Cecil would never under any circumstances go on a bloody rampage to exterminate every single employee of StrexCorp if they so much as touched a single perfect and soft hair of Carlos's head, no sir.</p><p>This episode was co-written with my sleep deprivation.<br/>Weather: The villain I appear to be (Annapantsu's cover)<br/>Written by GoshWordsCanBeTough</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Carlos/Cecil Palmer</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>46</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>40.5- Non-threatening employee</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I have recently started listening to WTNV and I am currently on episode 43 and while I tried to wait till I catch up to write something, I am just way too fond of the concept of definetely-not-completely-human Cecil being ready to Kill someone to protect Carlos and Lauren being very interested on finding Carlos's name and vaguely ominous on episode 40 gave me Ideas, so here it is</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In the face of our meaningless existence, being certain that death sooner or later will come for us, what can a human do except to dream and to hope and to create?</p><p>Welcome to Night Vale</p><p>Listeners, you would not believe what a little birdie just told me, and by little birdie I obviously refer to intern Dave who turned into a talking sparrow after last friday's events that we are not allowed to talk about or remember.</p><p>He told me that our wonderful and generous owners, Strexcorp, decided that they will be interviewing dear beautiful Carlos today, to see if he would be a nice addition to their company or if he should...stop existing...</p><p>Oh, but not to worry, dear listeners, I know Strexcorp will realize soon enough that while perfectly imperfect Carlos cannot be bought, that is to say, wouldn't be a good fit for their company, obliterating him into nothingness would be a very, <em>very</em> stupid idea.</p><p>And as we all know Strexcorp, in their all-encompassing glory, does not have nor follows through with very, very stupid ideas, and as I am saying this, I am looking straight at Daniel from management's eyes, who seems to be looking the tiniest bit nervous and afraid for reasons I cannot fathom but nevertheless I have a vague feeling are justified.</p><p>Just a hunch,  though. Nothing else.</p><p>Ah, Daniel seems to now be shaking as he desperately calls for Lauren to come to him. She has now arrived,  looking angry at being called away from whatever important task she was doing. Wordlessly he points at me and she looks into the booth. I smile at her and, if my teeth seem sharper than normal, I am<em> certain</em> it just a trick of the light, nevertheless she pales slightly but reassures Daniel that everything is<em> fine</em> and <em>under control</em>. Daniel clings to her arm and refuses  to let her leave.</p><p>Anyway, listeners, leaving this whole confusing interaction aside, the City Council wanted to remind you that: Demons arent real, especially demons that were created after some members of the City Council may or may not have realized inhumane experiments on one of old woman Josie's angels, who, they would like to emphasize, are<em><strong> NOT</strong></em> real either. Diana, the all-powerful shapeshifting demon that appeared yesterday disoriented in the parking lot behind the city council, is not, in fact, a demon, she is merely a foreigner shapeshifter that they encourage us to welcome into our town not because of an incomprehensible amount of guilt after what they did to her, but because she seems like a nice gal who, they think, will be a lovely addition to our town.</p><p>I, for one, will be happy to receive Diana with open arms, even if I will not be as enthusiastic as our local immortal sorceress,  Selena, who, upon seeing Diana, started waxing poetic about how her black skin made out of the void contained and reflected unknowable galaxies and was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen, and about how her three eyes shined brighter than the moon and seemed to contain the universe’s most wonderful secrets and that she wouldn’t mind getting lost in them for the rest on eternity.</p><p><em>Ah</em>, young love, isn't it <em>wonderful?</em></p><p>In other news-<em>Oh?</em> What an... <em>interesting</em> development, listeners. Carlos has just texted me saying he loves me and that if he can't come to our date tonight that I should try to forget he ever existed with the minimal amount of mourning possible, as he doesn’t want to make me feel bad.</p><p><strong>Mmh</strong>.</p><p>Going back to what I was saying before for a second, I say while looking at Lauren and Daniel who seem to now both be trembling in fear for no reason at all, Diana has been found to say, after Selena's never ending compliments and soft hands that hold her like she was something precious, that she might had Selena for only a day and a half, but if anything irreversibly bad happened to her, she would burn the whole of Night Vale to the ground in a search for bloody revenge, wanting to <em><strong>exterminate</strong></em> every single being responsible for harming her beloved. </p><p>And that is a sentiment all of us that are lucky enough to be with someone can relate to, isn't it? While it is true that I had my beloved Carlos for far longer than a day and a half, that is still a sentiment that I can relate to very strongly.</p><p><em>Very strongly</em>, indeed.</p><p>And now, <em><strong><span class="u">The Weather.</span></strong></em></p><p>Welcome back, dear listeners, Carlos just texted me telling me to disregard his last message and informed me that everything is fine now, the StrexCorp executives that were interviewing him received a call and suddenly decided that, even if he wasn't useful to them, he apparently wasn't worth the trouble of a vaporizing weapon and left him alone and unharmed.</p><p>In unrelated news, briefly before Carlos texted me, Lauren came by looking sickly pale and dropped a paper on my desk before getting out of the recording booth quickly, probably worried she would be interrupting the broadcast, how sweet and thoughtful of her!</p><p>The paper -in case any of you is curious- is a warning telling me that I am by contract<em><strong> not allowed</strong></em> to physically intimidate or otherwise put the fear of God on any of my superiors, which is a silly warning, really, I would never do that! </p><p>Gosh, could you imagine <em>me</em> trying to intimidate someone? Me, with my <em>glasses</em> and a <em>purple vest</em> that has a pattern of <em>kitty paws</em> all over it? That's <em>hilarious!</em></p><p>And on this lighthearted note, I must leave you, dear listeners, so I can go home and watch that nifty documentary Carlos and I have been meaning to watch for weeks now.</p><p>Good night, Night vale.</p><p>
  <em>Good night.</em>
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